Thanksgiving Preparation

Just as I suspected. Everyone has taken their spots. The women in the kitchen and the men on the couch. The child has done her part in the kitchen and has now retired to her computer. A lot of cooks say that they love what they do because it might relax them or it comes easy and smooth to them. Well, I am definitely NOT one of those people. Cooking in general is difficult, but with all those people crowded around I couldn't hear myself think. I made the desserts and tried to help with the rice and ended up burning my finger. That's it for me and the kitchen. I try to accompany the men on the couch, yet that isn't very pleasant either. My father falls asleep and snores loud and clear into my ear during one of the most boring games of the season. The titans are so far ahead, that there is little to no suspense left in the game. What's a girl to do? And as I sit here complaining and moaning on about how boring it really is upstairs, I miss it. Actually, I'm going to go spend some time with my family now seeing that I won't be have them forever. I guess today, I'm thankful for them. I'm thankful for how much they love and adore me. My family is crazy and hectic and extremely sarcastic, but isn't that kind of exciting to have a bunch of crazy old farts in my life to cheer me up?

To Lose...

That gut wrenching ache. Mind racing. Heart Pumping. The only thought...'Where is it?' I have had a problem for a while that I always seem to forget things or lose them. It's one of the scariest feelings when you can't find something. Whatever it is (your homework, textbook, jacket, cell phone, entire purse, or laptop) makes you want to break down in tears. The best you can do is search. Every place you went you check every crack or crevice to see where it could have fallen into. Once the search is over and you've found it...I don't think the word relief is enough to explain how unbelievably happy and relaxed you are. But if not...you have to ask every friend where they have seen it, meaning you have to admit you've lost it. If this is the end of the road for you, you feel completely indebted to your friend that your 'thank-yous' won't end for another 24 hours. If no one knows, there's the lost and found on every floor of the school you must go through. If it's here, you feel some pride that you've worked so hard to get something back and it has finally paid off. If not, hope seems almost lost. Now you have to forgive yourself and not beat yourself up about it. If it's gone, it's gone. Sadly, if it was that important, you will always be on the lookout and hoping to find it, even though the chances are slim. The real way to find something is to prevent losing it in the first place. It's the only part of the equation that you really have responsibility for. As my mother always tells me, whenever you leave a room, check your vicinity. Make sure you've picked up everything. Also, check yourself. If there is some sort of weather abnormality, you want to make sure your prepared. There's also the fact that you don't want to walk anywhere naked. People usually loose things in the first place because they are moving too fast and aren't thinking. As I stress for the millionth time, I want everyone to just SLOW DOWN and take some time to relax. For sure, your percentage of losing ANYTHING will decrease. If only I could take my own advice...

Mood Swings

I find myself, like most teenagers, going through some pretty serious mood swings. Different things make me happy everyday and different things make me frustrated and extremely irritable. Our school uses a block schedule. So when I have a series of my favorite classes in a row, it seems to be that I am always nicer to people. But if I'm having a great day and then I have a really hard sports practice, I may start to bawl. I am deeply sorry for my mother seeing that she is the one to whom I relieve all of my stress to. I can blow up at her or I can cry on her shoulder. She helps me through a lot, but these mood swings have to stop! They are throwing me out of whack. I'll be super happy for an hour and a half and then break down with sadness. It's a terrible price to pay and I want to STOP! I want to get through these next few years and be rid of these intense emotions. Oh puberty, PLEASE end soon!

The Tale-Tell Heart Backstory

My English Project was to create a back story for the Narrator in 'The Tale-Tell Heart'. Here's what I came up with.


"You sit staring at me. Are you scared? My old cell mate hung himself because his intense fear overcame him. But you have no reason to be so afraid. I wouldn’t bother myself with you. If I did, you’d already be dead. Anyway, I wouldn’t contemplate your murder while we sit around like a bunch of lab rats being studied. I’ll be sitting in my cell alone for most of the day; contemplating my escape from this dungeon of an institute. They think I’m insane. Everyone here looks at me differently. I know I’m different, but it’s because I’m so much smarter. I’ve been born with the gift of knowledge and a heightened sense of hearing. It began once I came to the tenth grade and the children would yell the most horrid insults. My mind would twirl each time I was harassed. You could possibly say that these kids are to thank for the discovery of my powerful gift. I knew they were idiots, but somehow I let they’re mindless banter seep deep under my skin. Tears of frustration crawled out from the back of my eyes and haunted the skin on my cheeks. I tried to tune them out, but it wouldn’t stop. Eventually, being the perceptive student I was, I listened to them to see if I could possibly fix myself in any way in order to stop this torture. Nothing they said had any slice of truth. I concentrated into their voices. They differed from high to low, crackly to smooth, and fast to slow. But underneath all that, I could hear their thoughts. They all had problems with voices of their own that were instructing them to attack me. At that point I knew I had to use this supremacy to my benefit. It was no longer a simple schoolyard matter. I was going to be able to hear into the thoughts of the most powerful people in the world. Unlucky for me, those connections are slightly hard to come by. Yet that wouldn’t stop me. I could gain all of the information I needed within a 3 mile radius. I knew who were the wisest and who had gone through the most experiences. The challenge would be to find a suitable testing subject. Age became a large factor in my inner debate for the perfect candidate. Even if they couldn’t remember anything, I could reach back into their memory for anything I could possibly use. I then began to watch the elderly. Day after day I sat in hospitals, nursing homes, and sidewalks just to concentrate on their behavior. What intrigued them and what pissed them off? I volunteered down at the boarding house and was assigned to many different old women who I immediately rejected. They were complete imbeciles. The intellect of a woman was of no comparison to one of a man. I was then transferred to an old gentleman. His belly plump, hair white and thinning, lips sealed shut as if he had tasted something bitterly sour, and an eye. He was a sweet old man, with a quick wit. I knew he was perfect. Although that eye was so foggy, I wondered if he had walked through a cloud. It made me shudder, but I had no time for my petty phobias. I needed to get over it. Even though I knew for me it would be almost impossible. At this point, school was the least of my worries. I had much more to deal with now. I stayed with the man round the clock. I disguised myself and portrayed to him a completely different personality, since I knew he might report me if I acted like myself. You’ve heard that I murdered him because I couldn’t stand looking at that vulture eye, the one with the glassy layer. I couldn’t help myself. I knew from our first encounter that that eye had set off a ticking clock, waiting for me to bust. That eye was what set my mission off track. That’s why they figured me insane, yet they gave me no time to explain my completely logical explanation. It had threatened me. Clearly he had some sort of power over me. I could hear his thoughts, but he could see right through me. He knew I wasn’t so nice. Now that I had discovered his powers could triumph over mine, I had to destroy him."

The 'Wanna-be'

At school, the overall controversy for boys and girls seems to be popularity. No matter how independent minded they are, everyone thinks their life could be a little better if they were more popular. Popularity isn't a bad thing. That would be one of the LAST things I want you to get from this. Popularity is nice, but it's what you can do with it that matters. Anyway, the point is that some people go to drastic measures. What you don't want to be considered as is the 'Wanna-be'. If you're here, it means that you have changed who you are to be a little more popular. You always agree with people whom you think have some sort of a higher status. You never stick up for yourself. You reject true friends that really care about you. You sacrifice your goals and your dreams to follow someone else's. If you find yourself suffering from any one of these symptoms, you could be diagnosed as a 'Wanna-be'. If you find yourself in these positions, don't ask yourself what's wrong? Don't ask yourself what is so wrong with me that I can't be myself? Don't ask what is so wrong with me that I sacrifice my reputation and my friends to have one's that don't even care about me. Don't ask yourself any of these questions because the answer is nothing. Everyone has insecurities about themselves, but you can't let them dictate who you are as a person. The next time you feel the urge to ask yourself these questions, substitute this, 'What do I love about myself, and what can I do to be a better friend to the one's who love me for who I am?' This mind set will send you light years in front of every other girl in maturity.